This was read during the wedding ceremony of my two best friends, Ryan and Steph. It made everyone silent and really affected a lot of people. I am starting a new Valentine’s Day tradition of listening to it every February 14th first thing in the morning and then again before I go to sleep.
God dammit. Anyone that knows me knows that I don’t condone making fun of people (aside from in a loving sarcastic manner which we use to show how much we care about one another) but for Christ’s sake!!! This dude is just begging for it. I mean where to begin?!?! First off. I’m all for a dude who’s a tidge overweight using dance as exercise. Awesome dude. Express yourself. Go balls out to Justin or Kelly or Taylor…whatever. Don’t fucking put on a LEOTARD and post your gay ass on you tube where your dancing is CLEARLY making the camera shake!!!!!! Why the….I mean……who does……
…….whew, think I fell off my chair with that last one.
I especially love how at the very beginning, there’s a disclaimer. Like, they couldn’t just leave it alone and be beautiful on its own. God forbid some jackass decides to actually dance in the street. Survival of the fittest I say.
However beautiful you think this is!! DO NOT ATTEMPT!!!!!!
And yes, I think the beginning phrase is direct from a five year old ballerina’s dance sweatshirt. Thank you for asking. (Someone had to be thinkin’ it besides me).
This song is a very good reason for spontaneous interpretive dance. As I was going through shuffle on my ipod, a song from my collection of music from Chicago came on (my little dirty shame of love for their music.) Of course it was this circa-80s power love ballad… just… about how his woman cheated on him.
But of course, if she HAD been faithful, he would have missed on on real love, real love with YOU! Just please, for a second, go with me to this magical land where this song is playing. And on the stage come out dancers, jumping, leaping, hugging, hugging themselves to their knees, then LEAPING because she cheated and finding the new lady…
Of course in my mind, at the end of the song where they’re just power-ballading “IF SHE WOULDA BEEN FAITHFULLLLL!!!” I see the singer on stage right, corner closet to the audience, singing along while the dancers lifted and emoted to their hearts content. Of course, his arm would do the reaching up, grabbing a pesky piece of air that he held onto and pulled down, in attempt to rid it of blocking his face. Which now was scrunched up more than if he had eaten a mixture of lemon, lime, and grapefruit, then rubbed the whole thing in his eyes afterwards, in this painful state of singing.
Man. I have some crazy day dreams sometimes.
And honestly. Honestly. WHY do people find this romantic? “Its okay baby, I love you because the bitch cheated on me. And you and me. We’ve got REAL love.” My question, what sad soul used this to propose to his wife. Anyone? Anyone? Yeah you there – you proposed? Oh, and you had interpretive dancers there as well? Wonderful!
Anyone that knows me knows that usually about once a month I will find a song that hits me in such the right way that I listen to it straight for about two weeks.
I give you the Song O the Month!!!!
I love her so damn much. She seemshopped up or strung out on something, but I love her just the same. :) There’s a kindof intrigue with musicians where the most interesting ones seem to always have screw loose that enables them to forget they’re on national television or standing in front of a million people. I kindof love that defect.
While that title probably perked up your ears and got you thinking “holy shit, is this some crazy, bohemian chick who wanders around in cemetaries drunk, thinking that the alcohol sharpens her oh-so-keen senses so she can contact the dearly departed?” the answer is….no. No that is not it at all. But thanks for giving me so much credit. :)
Last night I went to go see two of my friends perform (the same who I was just performing in New York with). All I was told is that they were performing at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary and that there was a full absinthe tasting bar. I really did not need to hear anymore. Would you?
We drove up into the cemetary and they allowed us to drive all the way up beside the strange lake that is so serene and beautiful during the day; but at night with everyone dressed in black 20s formal wear, with the moon large and almost full behind the mausoleum, everyone and everything that reflected on the lake became instantaneously haunting and gorgeous.
Walking inside felt like a dream. Tombs all aound us, I wafted in in my brand new red, polka-dotted black dress I manifested yesterday (I’m not kidding!! :) HIPPY-DIPPY SECRET TIME!!! I was just telling my friend Sarah yesterday how I wanted a new dress, a halter dress, with a banded waist, …..and polka-dotted would be awesome too, since I love them. And yesterday I just happened to pull into a random store after I got off set, and as I was looking at bras….there it was. Just lying out of place with the bras. I grabbed it and looked at the tag. “Awww, this isn’t my size” I thought. It’s a 6 and I’m normally a 7. But I figured what’s the harm in trying? Honestly? It fit absolutely perfectly. It looks like it was tailor-made just for me. And hey, awesome news I can fit into a 6 now. :) But I digress……) …..where was I? Oh yes, after thinking about how awesome my dress was :) I decided I need a glass of the beautiful glowing absinthe and a cigarette…naturally. We walked through the halls, down the long tomb-encapsulated corridor to the bar where they had light pillars with hors de oeuvres on top of them. “Thank God!” I said “I always say that food is better when lit from below” (By the by, that’s just another example of my oh-so-charming sarcastic wit. I actually have no preference as to how my food is lit, unless it’s lit on fire, and then (unless it’s creme brulee) I do have a slight problem….Stay tuned for the next installment on my thoughts about food lighting).
Now I had called my friend at the last minute to see if he wanted to go with me to this lovely event. He was on the 405 and just hopped right on over because let’s face it, if you’re on the 405 and someone says you have an hour to get somewhere, you’ll barely make it there. Lesson: 405 = death. Anyways, he wasn’t so dressed up. Just jeans and a shirt (and a jean jacket which I made fun of him mercilessly for. Sidenote: Guys? Xnay on any and all forms of jean jackets. Honestly. It’s not 1992 anymore. Girls? it’s still sortof ok for you to wear them still, but I mean…..come on). So we met up with my friends performing, Tara and Mitchell, outside as we were walking in and Tara and I started talking burlesque (as we always do since she was in the Velvet Hammer troupe. Jealous) and I told her I was making my solo debut the 24 of November and so was my guy friend who was with me. Right after that, she looked him up and down and said “Oh……comedy?” Not meaning to come off like it did, but it did, he laughed and made fun of the fact that it was a hilarious notion that he might be doing burlesque (he’s actually an accomplished magician and will be doing such on said night….not stripping……at least Idon’t think so……). As we walked away from the absinthe bar we were standing around looking at the tombs after being rejected by the bartender (only cash accepted? Where’s the blasted ATM in this cemetary?!) and this girl came up to the bar, looked him up and down, and said “So…how’d you get passed the semi-formal dress code?” (which I had no idea about, mind you. Otherwise I would have told him. Come on, I’m not a completely heartless bitch). Again, she didn’t mean it the way it sounds but we laughed again (I think he was laughing to stop from crying) and to help heal the wound she offered to buy us a round of absinthe (I drank both. What? He doesn’t drink. I was just trying to be economical. Jesus. Soon you’ll all be calling me a lush too. (I love that I’m having a comversation with myself right now)). We walked around, swing danced to the lovely 20’s singer that we had seen previously at the Cecada Club downtown (if you guys have not been there, GO! It’s completely like stepping into another world. It’s all very 20’s but 30’s and 40’s are usually there too. Full bar, absinthe is a big hit, lots of dancing….it’s gorgeous. And no cover charge! Just valet your car and hop in!! :) ) then we saw my friends perform. It was a mime satirization (which is actually SO MUCH cooler than it sounds, I swear!!) of the Nosferatu movie. Tara was the victim-turned-vampire, and Mitchell was Dracula (duh).
They were fabulous, the venue was fabulous, the food was fabulous, the absinthe was fabulous, the night was fabulous.
And Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall was there. Awesome? Answer: yes.
Oh, and I would just like to say thank you to the amazing woman, Lisa, I met outside while filling ourselves with a lil bit o cancer: You dropped into my life at the perfect time and said some incredible things that I truly needed to hear right now about…well…..yeah. For that, thank you. And, as she said, “Thank you absinthe”.
And for you three I was there with, all I have to say is…
normal viewwwww, Normal Vieewwwww, NORMAL VIEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you who get that, thank you and I love and cherish you. For those of you that don’t, fuck off and die.
